Words to live by...

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents, and accidents in the back seat cause kids.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Its not the pace of life that concerns me, its the sudden stop at the end.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

I don't believe in the afterlife, but I'm taking along a change of underwear just in case.

Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run, he hates that.

Only good girls keep diaries, bad girls don't have time.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself.

Be good to your children, they are the ones who will be picking your nursing home.

You can't keep a good man down, unless of course you are a 450 lb. sumo wrestler.

When you're holding all the cards why does everyone else turn out to be playing chess?

When my ship comes in, my luck I'll be at the airport.

If you are going to live on the edge, make sure you are wearing your seat belt.

The mind is like a parachute, it works much better when it's open.

Remember to take the time to stop and smell the roses, just don't let a bee fly up your nose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~